Some believe the biodata tradition is on the rise, in part because of the rapid pace of modern life and the increasing popularity of matrimonial Web sites. Gujarati parents of year-old Brahman boy, NRI nonresident Indian living in the United States, working in management, seek suitable match with Brahman girl. Born in India but raised in Artesia, a suburb southeast of downtown Los Angeles, Thaker assumed he would find his soul mate on his own. But two years ago, while Thaker was in India, his parents posted a matrimonial ad in a local newspaper. Thaker initially objected, but his parents insisted. It was tradition. Is she a good match?
The reason is simply this: The marriage market, which was till now thought to be exclusively under the command and control of boy log and their judgy Mummyjis, suddenly seems to have a new claimant — a certain type of women they hate, i. Women who love themselves, know their mind, and the kind of partner they seek. But while most Indian boys go to see girls with their Mummyjis and Daddyjis in tow, these girls are driving solo in their cars to check out the boys. They meet them in restaurants where they drink, chat, laugh, order non-veg food and, after all that, reject the boys.
The world of matrimonial alliances is in wide-eyed shock.
Some believe the biodata tradition is on the rise, in part because of the rapid pace of modern life and the increasing popularity of matrimonial.
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Indian Matchmaking: Netflix’s ‘divisive’ dating show causes storm
I was on the phone with my mother, who lives in Pune, India, complaining about Indian Matchmaking , when she brought up the marriage proposal. I knew she agreed. I scoffed.
Arranged marriage is one of the ways Indian families self-isolate in India, matchmakers and matrimonial advertisements — which are still.
It has been a few months into trying out the prospect of arranged marriage. The decision came with the desire to find a decent, understanding companion I could share my life with. At the outset, let me tell you the process of finding a suitable match in this structure requires a considerable investment of time and energy. So after much deliberation, I finally decided to take the plunge.
As an independent, working woman of today, why did I choose to do this? Not because of a lack of faith in the ability to fall in love organically but an inkling that perhaps sometimes love is not just enough. The structure of arranged marriage, on the contrary, was allowing me to pick and choose the man who suited my criteria — including emotional intelligence — and help me eliminate apparent risks in a relationship like any toxicity that sometimes go unnoticed, ignored or encountered later in an otherwise organic romantic bond.
This, of course, does not go to suggest that an arranged marriage would turn out to be risk-free, but an early red flag gives you the chance to opt out of the match without any baggage. Perhaps the fact that we see progressive and successful men and women of today as shown in the series still going ahead with the set-up challenges the argument in a way. And we millennials are familiar with such people or are trying out the option ourselves, whether we want to admit it or not. Again, if someone is opting for an arranged marriage, it is not always because they were forced by their parents.
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Beyond Arranged and Love Marriage. Authors: Bhandari, Parul. Free Preview. Is one of the few ethnographic accounts of matchmaking practices in middle class.
This book is an extensive and thorough exploration of the ways in which the middle class in India select their spouse. Using the prism of matchmaking, this book critically unpacks the concept of the ‘modern’ and traces the importance of moralities and values in the making of middle class identities, by bringing to the fore intersections and dynamics of caste, class, gender, and neoliberalism. The author discusses a range of issues: romantic relationships among youth, use of online technology and of professional services like matrimonial agencies and detective agencies, encounters of love and heartbreak, impact of experiences of pain and humiliation on spouse-selection, and the involvement of family in matchmaking.
Based on this comprehensive account, she elucidates how the categories of ‘love’ and ‘arranged’ marriages fall short of explaining, in its entirety and essence, the contemporary process of spouse-selection in urban India. Though the ethnographic research has been conducted in India, this book is of relevance to social scientists studying matchmaking practices, youth cultures, modernity and the middle class in other societies, particularly in parts of Asia.
While being based on thorough scholarship, the book is written in accessible language to appeal to a larger audience.
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Matchmaking is the process of matching two or more people together, usually for the purpose of marriage , but the word is also used in the context of sporting events such as boxing, in business, in online video games and in pairing organ donors. In some cultures, the role of the matchmaker was and is quite professionalised. The Ashkenazi Jewish shadchan , or the Hindu astrologer , were often thought to be essential advisors and also helped in finding right spouses as they had links and a relation of good faith with the families.
In cultures where arranged marriages were the rule, the astrologer often claimed that the stars sanctified matches that both parents approved of, making it quite difficult for the possibly-hesitant children to easily object — and also making it easy for the astrologer to collect his fee. Social dance , especially in frontier North America, the contra dance and square dance , has also been employed in matchmaking, usually informally. However, when farming families were widely separated and kept all children on the farm working, marriage-age children could often only meet in church or in such mandated social events.
The Netflix series shows that the marriage market is no longer in the control of boy log and Mummyjis.
What influences our youth to set aside their enterprising, free-wheeling spirit to follow the well-trodden path of arranged marriages? Part of the answer lies in the deep socialisation process, which is woven into the fabric of the close-knit extended Indian family, and its rootedness in the larger network of society. The young too seem to believe in the cultural definition of marriage as a family affair, rather than an individual undertaking.
Harmony and shared values arising from common backgrounds are seen as more important than individual attraction. The common grounds provided by an arranged match — familiar customs, foods, relatives, incomes, etc — also helps in negotiating the dark thicket of matchmaking. The upside is also that this aids the adjustment process with the new partner and family, a stand-in for what is seen as the variable element of love.
When it comes to daughters, the disciplining fetters become even tighter, since a tarnished reputation would scupper her chances in the marriage market. With whom?
Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking’ Is The Talk Of India — And Not In A Good Way
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Based on criteria they provide, clients are matched with ostensibly compatible dates, but they soon find that the goal of marriage is more difficult to attain that they had hoped — even with a matchmaker who consults biological data profiles, astrologers and face readers. Listen Listening Does the addictively bingeable series provide an accurate look at the process of arranged marriage for Indians and Indian Americans in ?
Indians living in India approach marriage and dating differently than Indians living in the U. And Indians who have emigrated to the U. The point is: there is no unilateral approach. Manisha Dass also notes the diversity. There’s major differences in how people think about dating in the generations before me and definitely location as well.
Income, education, profession, region, religion, parentage and skin color can all be deterrents when it comes to finding a suitable match. People will say, like: Oh no, you don’t fit one caste or the other. And I’m glad that the show didn’t shy away from them.
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Matchmaking is the process of matching two or more people together, usually for the purpose of marriage, but the word is also used in the context of sporting.
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In Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking,’ Arranged Marriage Is The Anti-Entanglement
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I close this article with observa- tions on the Indian online matrimonial market’s transnational dynamics us- ing the Gujarati marriage market and its global medial.
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